The Third Way of Self-righteousness
Why Does God Rob Me of Happiness?
Yesterday I shared that Psalm 1 is an invitation to discover a source of delight in life that is able to make happy even the weariest of souls. Rather than trying to find some thing in this world that will satisfy my appetites, the Psalm instructs me to delight in the law of the Lord. That is, my happiness is directly connected to the reorientation of my delight to the way of my Maker, as revealed in his word.
As I reflect on my life, I find that I obey much of the teaching of scripture. I'm a pastor, after all. It would be hard to get away without adopting the commands of scripture, at least in public view. And there it is. There is the problem. If I pause for a moment and am honest about my life of obedience and conformity to the norms of the scriptures, the main reason I obey at least some of the commands has nothing to do with delight and everything to do with what would happen if I got caught.
To put it succinctly, there can be a large chasm of faithlessness between obedience and delight. There is no indication of happiness, or blessedness, for mere conformity, only for delight.
Practically, in daily life, this is precisely the case. In the areas of my life in which I merely obey, I do so begrudgingly. Yes, begrudgingly. That is, I hold the command in contempt, and I hold a grudge against the Lawgiver. If God were good and his way was for my joy, I would be free to satiate my fleshly, guttural, base desires in a way God's word prohibits. I obey because the whole system seems designed to get me in big trouble if I were ever caught in disobedience. But I know in my heart that I'm being robbed of happiness. On my own, according to my own desires, I should live.
If I look again at Psalm 1, it holds out ways, two types of people pursuing two distinct avenues of happiness. The first is the wicked sinners and scoffers. They are in open rebellion against the way of God. They know it, and everybody around them knows it. They have chosen to pursue their own path to pleasure. On the other hand, you have the blessed man who delights in the law of the Lord. He has submitted his will to the way of the Lord by meditating upon the sweetness of God's word day and night.
This is what I am discovering. There is actually a third way. It's not the way of the wicked, and it is not the way of the one who delights. It is the way of the self-righteous. It is the one who willfully adopts God's law but takes no move to delight in it. This is me. Surely this stands behind so much of my brooding cynicism. It is a failure to believe that the Lord is good. At the heart, it is faithlessness for which there is no blessing.
Thank the Lord again for Psalm 1. He gives us right here the way by which to be rescued from this self-righteous, begrudging obedience. The happy man delights in the law of the Lord as he meditates upon it day and night. What if I brought various specific aspects of the way of the Lord directly to the Lord for consideration? What if I asked him throughout the day, "Now, why can't I steal, again? Why can't I covet?" I mean, there are things I don't have that I want. Is there any good to submitting this sense of lack and want to the Lord? Is there any advantage to learning contentment or trusting in the Lord to provide rather than frantically feeling the need to provide for myself?
Lord, teach me what is good. Show me not only what good thing I should do or what good way I should live, but what is good about your way. By your word's intervening grace, I no longer want mere conformity; I want delight! And so, I will meditate on your way.
FURTHER CONSIDERATIONS
Often, at the end of an article, I will offer a few thoughts to nuance what I have shared. Read on if you find it helpful. And, share in the comments if I could add something for further refinement.
The Command to Love
One cannot actually obey the whole of the way of the Lord through external conformity alone. Let us remember this most vital of the commandments. "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. (Deuteronomy 6:5)." There is no love without delight. And there is no delight without faith. As we always discover, we may only walk in the way of righteousness by grace through faith.
I'm Righteous In Christ, I Don't Need To Obey
You're not wrong. In fact, you have not said the half of it. No obedience, external conformity, or effort to delight will ever make you righteous. You are a sinner by nature, behavior and desire. The only way anyone may be forgiven of this rebellion and made new is by the grace of the cross of Jesus Christ and the transforming work of the Holy Spirit. And that's the point. When the Spirit gives the gift of faith, he is forgiven of sin, reborn and made new. He is given a new heart with new desires. Will he who has given us all this grace now withhold the sweet goodness that can be found in the way of life revealed in his law? How much more, now that Christ has perfectly fulfilled the whole of the law, ought we diligently search and meditate that we would discover the good and wise way of the Lord.